Welcome to Heat Hiccups, where we report the events of any club member who may take the slightest step out of place, whether it be on or off field.  In actual fact, off field stories are probably more interesting, so this column will be used to give everyone an insight as to what really goes on at the Heat.

At a recent 1stXI match at Monash University, the lads were quite delighted to find a fully equipped cafeteria next door to the cricket ground.  Unfortunately the lads were able to spend too much time at this cafeteria rather than at the crease batting.  Under the watchful eye of James “Food Nazi” Miller, the lads were enjoying salad rolls as prescribed.  However, there was one that snuck under the radar.  One player thought he would be good and come strutting back with a Powerade and a salad wrap in hand.  However, our source on the scene reports that there was an addition to this.  From all reports, a bucket of chips was consumed prior to leaving the cafeteria.  No hints or indications as to who the player was, but one suspects that if you were to eat a bucket of chips and not get caught, you would have to sitting in a BOOTH?

Overseas trips during winter are supposed to be spent furthering your cricket whilst enjoying traveling and seeing sights of the world.  Well, some lads have added to that, with several Heaters hooking up with young females whilst overseas.  Our number 1 backstop is enjoying a relationship with Chris from Mexico (Ándale Ándale Arriba Arriba), Shane Maggs recently “pitched” a proposal to his partner Amanda, whilst Joel Wylie hooked up with young Sadhika Khan from Pakistan!  Anyone who holds shares in Telstra had better be in touch with Shane, as when they decide to get together the value of shares in Telstra will plummet.  No doubt all of these young ladies would like to settle in Australia one day, but as we all know, the Government has a Citizenship Test that participants must pass in order to gain entry to the country.  Heat Hiccups has gained exclusive access to this test.  Players at the club recently undertook the test and Grovesy was the only one to get 100%.  Click below to get access to the test.

 Aust-citizen-test.pdf

The latest from the medical room:

R Fisher – Strained bladder – 2 weeks.  Strain caused by the boxing coach disallowing a toilet stop

C Dew – Brain Strain – 1 week.  Someone asked Dewy what 3 + 4 equaled, hence the injury.

H Jackson – G Small syndrome – 3 weeks.  Caused by running in like Gladstone Small with no neck extension evident

B Cairns – Stiffness – Test.  Should be ok if we can get some WD40 on his joints prior to this week’s match

L Booth – Severe skin abrasions – 1 week – In his own words “What….I can’t help it if I’m just workin’ it”

J Cheadle – Sunstroke – Test.  The Pom walked out into the sun last week, temperature was a stifling 21 degrees, and he paid the price

J Miller – Eye Strain – 2 weeks.  Caused from endless hours in front of his new LCD TV….or is it a plasma????